edit: if the formatting is off, I apologize…WP and I are having our first fight
Let’s go through a cast of (work) characters, shall we?
DL
DL is a new edition to our office. He used to work in HQ but has since transferred up here. DL means digit-less. He lost a few fingers in a table saw accident a few years ago. He’s not so bad. When Big Cheese and I went out for drinks after work with him a few weeks ago (he had wanted to close the office early and take everyone, but he got on a phone call that lasted about 15 minutes PAST closing.) our conversation was really good. He’s not that pretentious – meaning he doesn’t think he’s better than anyone – but he is rather self-centered. It could be something to do with age or his so-called status, but it’s the one thing that really drives people crazy. He will often, like a good manager, decide at the last minute that he doesn’t want to travel to X and have someone go in his place. Or he will change his travel plans half a dozen times within a week’s time. It’s quite irritating and can result in a hefty travel bill for the company. He does, though, want to really turn the office environment around: attract good people, get the office more active and so on. He also wants to overhaul the office a bit. We’ll see how it all goes down; after all, his plan is to retire in two years.
Bossman aka Hani
I’ve ranted enough about him on my original site that I don’t think I’ll go into much detail here. On the positive side, he really does care about his employees even if he treats them horribly. He’s big on the micromanaging and doesn’t like to give you all the information you need to succeed on whatever task he has given you. The nickname “hani” came from the musical Annie, specifically Ms. Hannigan. Whenever he gets on a tirade, I always feel likes saying (much like the orphans): “Yes, Ms. Hannigan. We looove you Ms. Hannigan.” Thus the nickname.
UCC
UCC stands for Ultra Christian Conservative. UCC can also be a condescending prick. I don’t want to say he’s a misogynist, but his condescension sometimes is greater with women…but it’s not exclusive to those of XX persuasion. Socially, however, he is not inept and can hold a decent conversation. He can be a bit of an elitist. He’s a good guy, overall, though. We think he’s in the closet and too afraid of his Christianity to accept his true self. That’s a shame, really. There is nothing wrong with being – and accepting/loving – who you are. He also hates it when we swear.
Elitist
We have four directors in our soon-to-be 12-person office. That’s about 3 too many. Elitist is one of those guys but since he is always traveling, we don’t really count him as having any power whatsoever. Elitist is a bit of a dweeb (do people still use that word?). Well, not a bit. He once told me that if you have a Southern accent you are uneducated or faking the accent. That was the day I lost all respect for him. Not that I had much to begin with. When his father calls, which is rare, he says “this is dr. so-and-so calling for Elitist Lastnamehere.” Um, yeah….a simple “this is his father” would have been just fine. I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
CP aka Walrus aka Pecos
The C stands for Creepy. Walrus comes from his mustache and Pecos comes from his clothing, boots and belt buckle. I think the most accurate description of CP is Yosemite Sam. CP is socially inept in every sense of the word. He has crossed the line several times. The thing is – he doesn’t realize he’s being inappropriate. No one likes him. When I start feeling sorry for him and having some empathy, he does something stupid (such as putting his hands on my waist to move me aside or stroking my hair or answering someone’s ringing cell phone). He thinks very highly of himself, which is unfortunate because he has made countless mistakes and cost the firm money to rectify the situation(s). He also LOVES to hear himself talk which has caused many staff members to avoid education lunch meetings. He is also an embarrassment to the firm. I would go into further detail, but just trust me on this one. When he walks by my desk, I always want to throw my mouse at his head.
Smarmy MacStinkster
Oh, Smarmy. Where do I begin? SMS is from HQ. He has caused me to leave work early due to a sudden allergy attack because of his love of the cologne. He also considers himself a playboy. Really? To me, any woman with half of a brain would laugh in his face if he used any of his lines on him. I have heard him on the phone with his “bodacious babes” (his terminology) and it was truly laughable. An example? “Hey baby;” “No, darling, not tonight” and so on. He once came up to Big Cheese and I and told us he had a “wild date with a bodacious 29 year old last night.” Gross. At the time I was 29 and thought “was she drunk? High? Desperate? Illegal alien?” It’s always a joy for him to come to town. He is quite an elitist, probably because his dad is supposedly a famous architect. Or something to that effect.
Big Cheese
She’s our office manager. She gave herself the nickname. Our COO has indicated that it’s stupid (and not cost effective) to have two admin staff for as few architectural staff that we have. Luckily, DL and Bossman said WTFE COO! We’re keeping our betches! Okay, they didn’t say those exact words, but did say that we both provide an invaluable service to the office or some other horse poo like that. We do actually work, but we are really good at balancing work and play while getting paid for it all.
PonyM
PonyM no longer works here. That sucks. She introduced me to many wonderful shows/events (namely: Tour de France, Entourage, Amazing Race, Sex and the City, Project Runway and Top Chef).
Fashionista
Fashionista no longer works here either and that sucks. I never really liked the nickname for her, but I could never think of a suitable replacement.
Pimp Daddy T
Pimp Daddy T also no longer works here and that sucks too. So, there you have it.
I have been listening to the “team” prepare for the interview all morning. Hopefully things go well and we get the job. That’d be pretty cool. I would hate to be on any type of selection committee, though, because it all seems so fake. That’s just me. I’m not as cranky today as I was yesterday. I have to tell you, though, that my dad didn’t get much better. But! It’s over and today is a new day. Plus, it’s the start of a four-day weekend and I get to leave when the interview team leaves! Woot! I have some errands to run and it would be nice to get them out of the way this evening. -MPS Happy 32nd, KJ (aka Most Brent Plutonian)
